Dear Diary Mood Apathetic

The streets of new york are dirty and they smell like cat piss. You tell me they stink, and i agree but i love the city and i share that. Too bad you were hard and the only thing you wanted was my cunt. Too bad i was horny and the only thing i cared about was your cock.shove me against the bed and wrap your hand around my neck until i bruise.

Feb 08, 2009  Kath is a youtube noob. Just a random video of us coz we\'re cool and you love us xD jk.

I want you to hurt me. I need you to hurt me.

Bang my head against the wall and rape me when im passed out. You wouldn’t be the first, might not be the last. Is it still rape if i consented beforehand?you talk about your passions and ask about mine but im passionless and empty. Depression does that to you, y\'know? But i can’t tell you that so i bullshit my way through the conversation as if i’m writing an essay. My lines are rehearsed and i can tell you don’t care but your chest is comfortable, and my legs don’t work right now.we cuddle on the couch while you simmer your dinner. You want me to eat some but baby i only eat when the sun goes down.

I think i hurt your feelings. I think i don’t care. My apathetic heart is killing me, but caring is so hard when you’re tired. We both were only there for a fuck and we know it.that’s why when i asked what time to leave you told me in fifteen minutes. Now we barely speak but im holding out in the hopes that you’ll still want me.

Im desperate to be heard because no one hears me. Im desperate to be loved because im dying to hurt. Suffocate me in your arms then shove me away. I want it i need it. Im desperate but not for you.

Im desperate for an inescapable feeling that i can’t quite put my finger on. I want to die, but i know the feeling is temporary, and with three dollars and sixty two cents twice a day i can feel alive again. Mania is the best part of my life right now. I wanna be manic. I wanna exist.

In a town full of roses you lay your head sleepin away this city’s disease in your cozy bed. The clock ticks on, the minutes pass, you’re not sure how you’re gonna make this last. Because last december you ran away from your family ties with such dismay.

They don’t know you’re between my thighs, listening for those sweet screams i make. You don’t know im a virgin in disguise, im feeding you lies, whispering sweet nothings in your ear like ive done it time after time.

Hiding beneath the manic breaths, my eyes are wild, yours are a fire, together they meet and form a natural disaster. Devastating to everything, but especially me and you. For when the forest and fire meet, the world succumbs to the flames and it burns baby it burns to the ground. Pin pricked fingers and penny lane. Teens are fucking band members in broom closets, getting off on the fame and calloused fingers. We smoke pot and sing songs and pray that the neighbors can hear us being happy. Normally we cry at night, but tonight we are laughing and smiling and singing.

Because tonight we are happy. Tonight we will be happy.carrie’s stumbling over bass notes in my left ear, while taylor slurs her speech in my right.

I think carrie is cool and taylor is sweet and im glad they have each other. But my mouth still tastes like jell-o and the night is young and so are we.i text brian and tell him i need to kiss him, but it’s late and he’s asleep and im a hoe, so i text a boy they call toast and another one named brendan and a third one whose name i don’t even know. I called them puddin and have them wrapped around my finger. But my hey has too many y’s and is missing and e.

I’m wasted so i’ll regret this in the morning but for now i’m gonna enjoy it.lets sneak to the bathroom to abuse more substances. Lets rail a percocet and laugh until we cry about how much we love the front bottoms and each other before joining the party with a bloody nose and blood shot eyes. We’ll blame the weed and cigarette smoke, but the grins on our face are gonna get us caught in the lie.take another shot, darlin’. Because tonight we’re forgetting the pain of the past, the present, and the future.

Tonight it is just us, drugs, alcohol, and music. Oh the sweet sound of music. I’m dancing now with a foggy brain. I can’t see quite straight and i’m pretty sure sleep is on it’s way.tonight is the best night of my life and im letting everyone know over and karaoke rendition of riptide. I want to feel this happy everyday, i’ll say. But it’s a bummer and i’ll fix it with a bad joke about dogs and killing myself and we’ll laugh and sing riptide until the night ends.

“you look tired” she told me. I didn’t know how to tell her it’s because even breathing is exhausting. I ate pills a few months ago and i haven’t been the same since. My meds make me feel foggy. I walk around in a haze. I blamed the acid, but no one told me the price it would take to quit being crazy.“you’re not acting like yourself” he said. My inhibitors are being blocked by the copious amounts of lamotrogine I’ve been told would help me.

Sorry i can’t give you a smile anymore, my brain is sending the wrong signals to the right places. It’s striving so hard to be stable it’s making me a zombie.“you’ve been wild lately” they acted like i didn’t know. I took the first stranger on the train and fucked him in the bathroom.

He put his head between my legs and told me how much he loved me so i pretended i loved him too. Told him he was god and pretended we ruled the world for the short time we’re in it. He talked about drumming and disney and how he liked his coffee, so I called him a nerd and feigned my interest, my care. I don’t care. I only wanted him to speak words of lust between my thighs.

He loved my cunt. I loved his tongue. Brian tells me i’m cute when i’m sleepy and gives me sweet kisses on my lips. He could be the perfect boyfriend if my own shit didn’t get in the way.

Im gonna break his heart. I haven’t told him yet, but i think he knows. My eyes are a little crazy and as i sing my songs he stares at me. I think he looks like nigel from the wild thornberrys. His teeth are big and so is his nose but he’s still pretty cute.i have a headache and im ready to go home but he won’t stop kissing me. He keeps trying to get me into positions i don’t want be in late at night on a park bench. When he does get me there i make sure to hit my head so he wants to get up too.

I don’t wanna fuck you, brian. I wanna kiss you so you’ll tell me im cute.I have percocets in my bag but he only likes weed and lsd so i keep that to myself. Im ready for them. Im craving them and i need to go home now. But i don’t act as anxious as i am to get to them. Im a good liar in that way.

Instead i kiss him and tell him he’s cute until he brings up work tomorrow. I agree about needing to get up early and we leave. We hold hands on the car ride back.

It’s peaceful but im swerving on the interstate and desperate to be alone again. The inch of crack in the door let me hear your pretty whispers in the dark. What are you whisperin about darlin?

Is it about the way we haven’t been the same? You asked me what changed, but i didn’t have the right answers. Im crazy, darling. Life got in my way. Im a mess but i don’t guess you care all too much. You never even bothered to ask.

The streets of new york are dirty and they smell like cat piss. You tell me they stink, and i agree but i love the city and i share that. Too bad you were hard and the only thing you wanted was my cunt. Too bad i was horny and the only thing i cared about was your cock.shove me against the bed and wrap your hand around my neck until i bruise.

Feb 08, 2009  Kath is a youtube noob. Just a random video of us coz we\'re cool and you love us xD jk.

I want you to hurt me. I need you to hurt me.

Bang my head against the wall and rape me when im passed out. You wouldn’t be the first, might not be the last. Is it still rape if i consented beforehand?you talk about your passions and ask about mine but im passionless and empty. Depression does that to you, y\'know? But i can’t tell you that so i bullshit my way through the conversation as if i’m writing an essay. My lines are rehearsed and i can tell you don’t care but your chest is comfortable, and my legs don’t work right now.we cuddle on the couch while you simmer your dinner. You want me to eat some but baby i only eat when the sun goes down.

I think i hurt your feelings. I think i don’t care. My apathetic heart is killing me, but caring is so hard when you’re tired. We both were only there for a fuck and we know it.that’s why when i asked what time to leave you told me in fifteen minutes. Now we barely speak but im holding out in the hopes that you’ll still want me.

Im desperate to be heard because no one hears me. Im desperate to be loved because im dying to hurt. Suffocate me in your arms then shove me away. I want it i need it. Im desperate but not for you.

Im desperate for an inescapable feeling that i can’t quite put my finger on. I want to die, but i know the feeling is temporary, and with three dollars and sixty two cents twice a day i can feel alive again. Mania is the best part of my life right now. I wanna be manic. I wanna exist.

In a town full of roses you lay your head sleepin away this city’s disease in your cozy bed. The clock ticks on, the minutes pass, you’re not sure how you’re gonna make this last. Because last december you ran away from your family ties with such dismay.

They don’t know you’re between my thighs, listening for those sweet screams i make. You don’t know im a virgin in disguise, im feeding you lies, whispering sweet nothings in your ear like ive done it time after time.

Hiding beneath the manic breaths, my eyes are wild, yours are a fire, together they meet and form a natural disaster. Devastating to everything, but especially me and you. For when the forest and fire meet, the world succumbs to the flames and it burns baby it burns to the ground. Pin pricked fingers and penny lane. Teens are fucking band members in broom closets, getting off on the fame and calloused fingers. We smoke pot and sing songs and pray that the neighbors can hear us being happy. Normally we cry at night, but tonight we are laughing and smiling and singing.

Because tonight we are happy. Tonight we will be happy.carrie’s stumbling over bass notes in my left ear, while taylor slurs her speech in my right.

I think carrie is cool and taylor is sweet and im glad they have each other. But my mouth still tastes like jell-o and the night is young and so are we.i text brian and tell him i need to kiss him, but it’s late and he’s asleep and im a hoe, so i text a boy they call toast and another one named brendan and a third one whose name i don’t even know. I called them puddin and have them wrapped around my finger. But my hey has too many y’s and is missing and e.

I’m wasted so i’ll regret this in the morning but for now i’m gonna enjoy it.lets sneak to the bathroom to abuse more substances. Lets rail a percocet and laugh until we cry about how much we love the front bottoms and each other before joining the party with a bloody nose and blood shot eyes. We’ll blame the weed and cigarette smoke, but the grins on our face are gonna get us caught in the lie.take another shot, darlin’. Because tonight we’re forgetting the pain of the past, the present, and the future.

Tonight it is just us, drugs, alcohol, and music. Oh the sweet sound of music. I’m dancing now with a foggy brain. I can’t see quite straight and i’m pretty sure sleep is on it’s way.tonight is the best night of my life and im letting everyone know over and karaoke rendition of riptide. I want to feel this happy everyday, i’ll say. But it’s a bummer and i’ll fix it with a bad joke about dogs and killing myself and we’ll laugh and sing riptide until the night ends.

“you look tired” she told me. I didn’t know how to tell her it’s because even breathing is exhausting. I ate pills a few months ago and i haven’t been the same since. My meds make me feel foggy. I walk around in a haze. I blamed the acid, but no one told me the price it would take to quit being crazy.“you’re not acting like yourself” he said. My inhibitors are being blocked by the copious amounts of lamotrogine I’ve been told would help me.

Sorry i can’t give you a smile anymore, my brain is sending the wrong signals to the right places. It’s striving so hard to be stable it’s making me a zombie.“you’ve been wild lately” they acted like i didn’t know. I took the first stranger on the train and fucked him in the bathroom.

He put his head between my legs and told me how much he loved me so i pretended i loved him too. Told him he was god and pretended we ruled the world for the short time we’re in it. He talked about drumming and disney and how he liked his coffee, so I called him a nerd and feigned my interest, my care. I don’t care. I only wanted him to speak words of lust between my thighs.

He loved my cunt. I loved his tongue. Brian tells me i’m cute when i’m sleepy and gives me sweet kisses on my lips. He could be the perfect boyfriend if my own shit didn’t get in the way.

Im gonna break his heart. I haven’t told him yet, but i think he knows. My eyes are a little crazy and as i sing my songs he stares at me. I think he looks like nigel from the wild thornberrys. His teeth are big and so is his nose but he’s still pretty cute.i have a headache and im ready to go home but he won’t stop kissing me. He keeps trying to get me into positions i don’t want be in late at night on a park bench. When he does get me there i make sure to hit my head so he wants to get up too.

I don’t wanna fuck you, brian. I wanna kiss you so you’ll tell me im cute.I have percocets in my bag but he only likes weed and lsd so i keep that to myself. Im ready for them. Im craving them and i need to go home now. But i don’t act as anxious as i am to get to them. Im a good liar in that way.

Instead i kiss him and tell him he’s cute until he brings up work tomorrow. I agree about needing to get up early and we leave. We hold hands on the car ride back.

It’s peaceful but im swerving on the interstate and desperate to be alone again. The inch of crack in the door let me hear your pretty whispers in the dark. What are you whisperin about darlin?

Is it about the way we haven’t been the same? You asked me what changed, but i didn’t have the right answers. Im crazy, darling. Life got in my way. Im a mess but i don’t guess you care all too much. You never even bothered to ask.